His Choice Was Not Your Fault

Yesterday a young man lost his battle with life. That is not a typo - I did not mean "for life" - I meant his battle with life. Apparently the everyday struggle had become to hard for him to handle.

Today his family and friends are left with tears and questions. They are wondering what they could have done differently - what they should have done and what they should not. Memories are now searched for clues. Conversations are replayed and events revisited in hopes of gaining insight.

Sadly there is no comfort in these exercises. There is no opportunity to go back and change anything, so the very process brings only more sadness and regret.

How to go on? It will be hard for this young man's friends and family. There are so many unanswered questions that will nag them. And it is too soon for them to even begin to look at the future. For now they need to comfort one another - to share stories of the fun and laughter while they dry one another's tears.

Even as they go through this grieving, though, they need to hear this clearly: his choice was not your fault. The filters through which others hear our words cannot be our burden. What you meant in fun did he take it seriously? When he was laughing was he hiding his pain? How could you have known? If he chose to bury his true feelings deep inside, keeping them secret from even his closest friends, it was his choice.

There are so many who fail to share their real selves with close friends and family. Some feel they can't. Some have been told no one cares and they have believed it. Many simply have never trusted.

But no matter why a friend or family member fails to share their innermost thoughts and feelings, it is not your fault. If you have lived so as to be approachable, then you have afforded him/her the opportunity.

I am praying today for the family of this young man and for his friends. I am praying that God will comfort them and give them peace. I am praying that in time they will realize that they each were a friend to him and loved him, and that the decision was his. And I am praying that this time of sadness will be a time when all who knew him will reflect on his laughter and the fun they had, so they can continue to be a caring friend to others.