His Choice Was Not Your Fault

Yesterday a young man lost his battle with life. That is not a typo - I did not mean "for life" - I meant his battle with life. Apparently the everyday struggle had become to hard for him to handle.

Today his family and friends are left with tears and questions. They are wondering what they could have done differently - what they should have done and what they should not. Memories are now searched for clues. Conversations are replayed and events revisited in hopes of gaining insight.

Sadly there is no comfort in these exercises. There is no opportunity to go back and change anything, so the very process brings only more sadness and regret.

How to go on? It will be hard for this young man's friends and family. There are so many unanswered questions that will nag them. And it is too soon for them to even begin to look at the future. For now they need to comfort one another - to share stories of the fun and laughter while they dry one another's tears.

Even as they go through this grieving, though, they need to hear this clearly: his choice was not your fault. The filters through which others hear our words cannot be our burden. What you meant in fun did he take it seriously? When he was laughing was he hiding his pain? How could you have known? If he chose to bury his true feelings deep inside, keeping them secret from even his closest friends, it was his choice.

There are so many who fail to share their real selves with close friends and family. Some feel they can't. Some have been told no one cares and they have believed it. Many simply have never trusted.

But no matter why a friend or family member fails to share their innermost thoughts and feelings, it is not your fault. If you have lived so as to be approachable, then you have afforded him/her the opportunity.

I am praying today for the family of this young man and for his friends. I am praying that God will comfort them and give them peace. I am praying that in time they will realize that they each were a friend to him and loved him, and that the decision was his. And I am praying that this time of sadness will be a time when all who knew him will reflect on his laughter and the fun they had, so they can continue to be a caring friend to others.

Prayer and Weight Loss

I picked up a copy of FIRST Magazine at the grocery today ... I had no idea why until I opened it at home. There is a feature article regarding weight loss and prayer!

It seems that Virginia Tech has done studies regarding women who lose weight as a result of turning their weight issues and health concerns over to God. Prayer, meditation, a prayer journal, and a sincere faith all play an important part in this article.

One of the points is indeed about the sincere faith. You can't just say the words or read or journal and expect to have the same results. It's important to pray in keeping with your beliefs. Yes, they include Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim ... but the women they interview seem to be Christian. The point is the sincerity.

The women in the article talk openly about turning their health issues over to God, and asking God to give them the strength to do what is necessary to eat and exercise for good health. One mentions that she used to pray to be skinny, but now she asks God to help her make healthy decisions regarding food.

Years ago there was a book called "Flip Your Flab Forever" - I mean at least 30 years ago! - and the author suggested a prayer before meals that included "Lord help me to eat only what I need to be healthy."

There are weight loss programs that are in tune with faith - I can think of Overeaters Victorious, Free to be Thin, A Better Weigh - and then there is the individual choice as this article outlines: give it to God, ask Him to guide your choices, pray and then keep a prayer journal.... and the most important part: obey God's leading.

 Your thoughts? Any stories out there?