His Choice Was Not Your Fault

Yesterday a young man lost his battle with life. That is not a typo - I did not mean "for life" - I meant his battle with life. Apparently the everyday struggle had become to hard for him to handle.

Today his family and friends are left with tears and questions. They are wondering what they could have done differently - what they should have done and what they should not. Memories are now searched for clues. Conversations are replayed and events revisited in hopes of gaining insight.

Sadly there is no comfort in these exercises. There is no opportunity to go back and change anything, so the very process brings only more sadness and regret.

How to go on? It will be hard for this young man's friends and family. There are so many unanswered questions that will nag them. And it is too soon for them to even begin to look at the future. For now they need to comfort one another - to share stories of the fun and laughter while they dry one another's tears.

Even as they go through this grieving, though, they need to hear this clearly: his choice was not your fault. The filters through which others hear our words cannot be our burden. What you meant in fun did he take it seriously? When he was laughing was he hiding his pain? How could you have known? If he chose to bury his true feelings deep inside, keeping them secret from even his closest friends, it was his choice.

There are so many who fail to share their real selves with close friends and family. Some feel they can't. Some have been told no one cares and they have believed it. Many simply have never trusted.

But no matter why a friend or family member fails to share their innermost thoughts and feelings, it is not your fault. If you have lived so as to be approachable, then you have afforded him/her the opportunity.

I am praying today for the family of this young man and for his friends. I am praying that God will comfort them and give them peace. I am praying that in time they will realize that they each were a friend to him and loved him, and that the decision was his. And I am praying that this time of sadness will be a time when all who knew him will reflect on his laughter and the fun they had, so they can continue to be a caring friend to others.

Prayer and Weight Loss

I picked up a copy of FIRST Magazine at the grocery today ... I had no idea why until I opened it at home. There is a feature article regarding weight loss and prayer!

It seems that Virginia Tech has done studies regarding women who lose weight as a result of turning their weight issues and health concerns over to God. Prayer, meditation, a prayer journal, and a sincere faith all play an important part in this article.

One of the points is indeed about the sincere faith. You can't just say the words or read or journal and expect to have the same results. It's important to pray in keeping with your beliefs. Yes, they include Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim ... but the women they interview seem to be Christian. The point is the sincerity.

The women in the article talk openly about turning their health issues over to God, and asking God to give them the strength to do what is necessary to eat and exercise for good health. One mentions that she used to pray to be skinny, but now she asks God to help her make healthy decisions regarding food.

Years ago there was a book called "Flip Your Flab Forever" - I mean at least 30 years ago! - and the author suggested a prayer before meals that included "Lord help me to eat only what I need to be healthy."

There are weight loss programs that are in tune with faith - I can think of Overeaters Victorious, Free to be Thin, A Better Weigh - and then there is the individual choice as this article outlines: give it to God, ask Him to guide your choices, pray and then keep a prayer journal.... and the most important part: obey God's leading.

 Your thoughts? Any stories out there?

That fresh new calendar and planner

I love a new planner and calendar. They are so clean and fresh and filled with opportunity and promise. And I love to take those clean pages and fill them with all the things I want or need to remember: places I need to be, things I need to do, people I need to congratulate, meetings I need to attend...

This year I have opted not to buy a Franklin Covey planner but rather use my Outlook and iPhone calendars to track all of those items. (Pray for me - I am going to try to sync them on Tuesday when I get to the office.) But the excitement is the same: adding dates and times and activities for a new year.

Over the past couple of years, though, it has been a recurring theme whenever planning occurs:
Don't ask God to bless your planner - ask God to plan your blessings!

So here we are at the end of one year, on the cusp of a new one. Time to turn the calendar page (eeks! I haven't even bought a new calendar for the kitchen wall!).

What new and exciting things will God write on my page? How does He want me to invest my time? Where am I supposed to be when?

So I'm praying that God will guide me and fill in the appointments He wants me to keep this week, this month, this year....

and what about you?

Seize Your Commute!!

How many times have you read 1 Thessalonians 5:17 – the admonishment
to pray without ceasing – and thought they had a lot more free time to pray
when Paul wrote that letter? After all, they had no cars, no hectic schedules
of running from meeting to meeting or dashing to kids’ games and practices, no crazy commute to DC or Baltimore … right?

So how do we accomplish this in our world today?

One way is to take advantage of that commuting time!

How do you start the drive? Do you plop into the car, tossing things onto the seat, turn the key in the ignition and pull out of the driveway as though you are leaving a pit stop at the Indy 500? Then let me suggest a different approach: as you get in, thank God for your car, and ask Him to watch over you as you drive, allowing you to make wise decisions and protecting you from poor decisions – yours and those of others. Ask him to guide you around snarls and safely through detours and construction. Thank Him in advance for coming along for the ride.

What kind of atmosphere is in your car? What’s on the radio or CD player? Is it all news and traffic? Or is it something uplifting? Turn the dial to WRBS (95.1) or WGTS (91.9) and listen to some news and traffic along with Christian music and chatter. Pop in a CD of Christian music or
Scripture. Take advantage of the commute to create calm. (On the train or Metro? Put some Christian music or Scripture on your iPod.) Take the opportunity to listen to a podcast of a sermon.

While you are driving, pray for the other drivers. Some will need special prayer – that guy who weaves through all the lanes, the lady who made a right lane exit directly from the left lane – so pray that they will get safely to their destination and leave no collateral damage. And pray for all the people around you to get safely to where they are going.

There are opportunities to pray for specific people as well. One day I was sitting at the intersection of 175 and Tamar Drive in Columbia. As we waited for our signal to turn green, the lady in the next car was beating her fists against the steering wheel and shouting. Her windows were closed so I couldn’t hear, but her face showed the strain of her anger or frustration. Was
she shouting into her phone (on speaker of course) or just shouting? I have no idea, but I sat there and prayed for her because God knew what she needed. It sure looked like she needed prayer.

Look around. Is there a driver near you with sadness or anger on his/her face? Is there a homeless person standing on the corner? Do you drive in the city and see people rushing along sidewalks? Are you passing a cyclist? Pray for all of them – pray for each of them. Perhaps pick one or two specific people that you see, and then pray generically for all of those you pass.

Coming to a dangerous intersection? About to take an exit? Pray for safety. Pray for those others about to cross the intersection. Pray that there will be polite drivers allowing you to merge safely into the flow of traffic.

And how many times have you had to pull over to allow emergency vehicles to pass? Or had to sit in stalled traffic due to an accident? Are you sitting there fuming? Or are you praying for the victims, for the EMTs, the police officers? Pray there are no residual fender benders as people wait or try to turn around in the middle of the backup.

Going through construction? Pray for those workers that they are safe as they work, and thank God for the improvements that will result.

If you are heading to work, begin praying for your day, your co-workers, any clients or customers you might be meeting that day, for projects or tasks that await you. Give them to the Lord and ask Him to guide you and protect you.

If you are heading home, pray for the family, for dinner, for whatever it is that awaits you when you get there. Pray for rest, or the energy to accomplish household responsibilities.

Are you getting the idea? The possibilities are endless once you begin to look. No matter what your commute entails, there are prayer opportunities. Some days you might just need that time – time alone with God, without family and co-workers and phones – to pray over a particular situation or concern. Use that time to fill your heart and mind with God’s Holy Spirit.

Please be sure to let me know how it impacts your commute and your prayer life.

Let’s change the old slogan and instead of “Happy Motoring” let’s call it “Prayerful Commuting”!!

God does give us more than we can handle

Last Saturday morning we once again stood at a gravesite for a very tiny baby. He was born - and died - at 15 weeks gestation and weighed just 1.2 ounces. Simon was buried alongside his brothers Zack and Toby who were born -and died - in 2009.

So many times in these past two years people have said "God will only give you as much as you can handle." It is often followed by "I just wish He didn't think I can handle so much."

But this time it's different. This time Sarah realized that indeed God DOES give us more than we can handle - at least more than we can handle ALONE. He gives us what we can handle with HIS help! She shared this insight with me, and I am so glad she did. I no longer want to give people the false idea that God will never give us too heavy a load.

So often we try to do things our way, planning and making decisions with our own knowledge and abilities and strength. Then eventually it all falls apart. Finally we ask God to help us and He picks up the broken pieces. ("All things work together for good" usually finds its way into the conversation at this point.)

Now consider what happens when we do things by praying FIRST and asking God what HE would have us do - and how. We may encounter obstacles and challenges, but God will help us through them. He has a plan!

Back to the original thought - how much can we handle? How much can we handle alone? How much can we handle with God's help?

Last week we were playing mini-golf and a family behind us included a small girl. On some holes she wanted to do it by herself. On others, she asked her Daddy to help. On the solo holes her ball often ended up in the water or on another hole altogether! But when she let her father help the ball went nearer to the actual target.

There are many tasks in life that God gives us to do. If we ask, He will gladly help us. And like the father at the golf course, He will also stand back and let us go it alone if we so choose. He will also be there to pick us up and carry us when we get tired and finally ask for His help.

Which of course brings us to the most well-known analogy: Footprints in the Sand. Who cannot bring to mind that picture of the footprints on the beach? Who cannot recall that there are two sets of footprints in some places and only one in others. What does the poem tell us? Those single prints were from the times God carried us. Those were the times when we realized that we could not handle life alone - that we needed God to be The Strong One.

We are not strong unless He is strong... remember the song from your childhood? It is just as true today: " ... I am weak but He is strong..." indeed Paul wrote that it is only when we find our strength in God that we are strong, and we must admit our weakness first.

My prayer for you - for myself - today is that we will lean on God and let Him be strong.

Remember there's nothing God and you can't handle together!

A Season of Change

One of our pastors has accepted a new call. This past Sunday was his last with our congregation, so we sent him off with a blessing.

Now as we approach Spring - a season of change - we find ourselves also in a season of change at church. It will be a time of reviewing what works and what does not. We will evaluate programs and leadership. New strengths will be discovered among "old" parishioners, and newer parishioners will share talents and passions.

With any change there is work to be done. Do we not all dread "spring cleaning"? And yet every year it gets done - throwing open the windows, washing drapes and linens, trading darker colors for light. THis is all part of the process to prepare for the new season.

We celebrate the spring by changing the clothes in our closets, putting away heavier items and bringing out the lighter, brighter clothes and the sandals. All this of course requires work: laundering, checking for fit, and perhaps some shopping. Again, all necessary to be prepared for the new season.

And in the yard we must clear away branches and leaves that have fallen and accumulated in the bushes, ready gardens for flowers and vegetables, and do what is necessary to make the lawn ready for a new season.

So too it will be in this season of change for our congregation. We will check to see what responsibilities fit which leaders. Programs and ministries will need to be cleaned up and readied for new leadership.

Sometimes it is difficult to accept the change... perhaps we are not tan enough for those sleeveless and short-sleeved tops, or fit enough for those shorts. We like the warmer weather but wish we had just a little more time to prepare. And there can be unplanned challenges - there is not always unanimous agreement, or perhaps we find that something needs more attention than we thought.

With the changes in our congregation we may also come upon times when we wish there was more opportunity to prepare. God's time is not always our time - we must always be at the ready to move to the next season in order to be where God wants us and doing what He needs us to do. Of course to make it work, we must always put His plans ahead of ours.

I hope you will pray for us in this season of change - and that in your prayers you will also ask God to keep you ready for those seasons when He needs you to change.

Prayers need feet

I have heard this song by Josh Wilson for quite a while, and really liked it. This morning I heard the story of what inspired him to write it: the Nashville floods. He wanted to help, and not just say "gee, I should pray for those poor people".

The song is called "I Refuse", and really strikes a chord in me this week because we have just hosted the local Cold Weather Shelter (CWS) at our church. The CWS allows 25 homeless men,women and children the opportunity to sleep indoors during the coldest part of the year - the end of November through March.

To handle all the needs, and to serve our guests properly, takes a concert of people working nearly around the clock for the week they are with us. Incredible planning and organization goes into the process, and orchestration is like a symphony as the week unfolds. Meals are prepared and served by small groups; volunteers do laundry and pack bag lunches; activities and entertainment (videos, tv, books, newspapers) are made available; guests are able to take showers and baths and enjoy as much of a homelike environment as is possible in a church building. Every night four adult volunteers stand sentry - staying awake from 10pm through 7am - to ensure that guests are safe.

Having the guests with us at Christmas offered both challenges and opportunities. The holidays always mean those who might normally volunteer may be out of town or otherwise committed to other activities. By the same token, it meant the opportunity to create a wonderful Christmas for the guests. On one evening, Christmas cookies were baked and the guests were invited to help. One night Christmas trees were decorated (one large one in the main hall and smaller ones in each room). On Christmas the guests were allowed to sleep in a bit if they wanted, and a family-style breakfast was offered. Later a traditional Christmas dinner was served.

So where does the song come in? The people of our congregation could simply have chosen to pray for the homeless guests and their needs, or they could choose to act - refuse to utter another empty prayer, refuse to stand aside and let someone else do what God called them to do... Over 300 people - members of the congregation, their friends, members of the community - chose to be involved. Totally awesome.

But what about every day? I am struck by the willingness of people to pitch in when there is a special need, while remaining on the sidelines while the everyday needs of the church are unmet. Surely they realize that just praying about the roof (or the heat, or the salaries, etc) will not fix it. Money is required to pay for the cost. Just praying will not address the need for ushers or Sunday School teachers or people to paint a room; people need to heed the nudge of the Holy Spirit that results from those prayers. It is not just other people, or the people who have always done it, who will take care of the basic chores of the church. God calls us all to do something. We take care of our own homes, and God needs us to take care of His House too.

Prayers need feet. We must all refuse not to move.
Listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuGqIqbO310